Trophies

My daughter is finishing up a spring softball league. This is the only sport she has played for more than one season. Like her parents, she is not an athlete. And that's okay. I have never had illusions that she would one day go to college on an athletic scholarship. Academic scholarship maybe, but athletic scholarship, no. My only goal is to provide her with enough physical experiences that she develops some coordination.

I guess my daughter's gymnastic class at The Little Gym was her first experience with sports. She was four. At the end of the year, one of the parents took up money to give the girls a trophy at the last class. I thought, “Oh, how cute! My daughter's first trophy.”

In kindergarten, she took tennis lessons with a couple of friends. As a tennis player, I had hoped that one day we could play together. After the three girls went to separate elementary schools, that was the end of tennis. She only wanted to take lessons if her friends were there. At the end of the year, one of the parents ordered trophies for the tennis coach to present to the girls. I obediently paid another $5 and Abigail received her second trophy.

Next, it was roller skating lessons - two additional trophies. She has taken piano for four years – four recital trophies. There are two trophies for Pinewood Derby, and two for softball. So despite, being enrolled in only a few extra-curricular activities over the years, my daughter has 12 trophies collecting dust on her dresser. I have never seen my daughter touch one of these trophies. They mean nothing to her beyond the first hour of receiving them.

I never liked trophies. I remember even as a kid thinking I would rather have money or something I could use. You can't play with a trophy. When my siblings and I sold our deceased parents' house a few years back, I was finally able to throw away those 30-year old tarnished statues. But back then, children received a trophy only if they won the tournament or the team finished first in their division.

Now we give trophies every time a child participates in anything! We hand them out so much, they are meaningless. Along the way, somebody came up with the bright idea that giving children trophies for showing up would boost their self-esteem. We have a generation of young people who think they are so special that they don't have to work hard at anything. Just gracing us with their presence should be enough.

I saw a story on Sixty Minutes last year about young adults. Employers were complaining how young employees are so offended if a supervisor criticizes their work. The parents of employees are telephoning to defend their grown children! This generation has been given messages all their life that they are a one-of-a-kind superstar. If their boss doesn't value their work, another employer will and they quit on the spot.

I do believe that we all are given some special gift in life. Although at 52, I am still trying to figure out my gift! But we and our children are not great at everything we try. Children need to learn that sometimes we finish second. Or like my daughter's current softball team, last in the league.

After every game the coach gathers the girls together to tell them how wonderful they all are and how great they played. They have won one game. Only positive reinforcement, constructive feedback never.

I believe in the old saying, “It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game that counts.” I don't care about her team's win-lost record. (Although winning every once in a while would be pleasant). I just want my daughter to have fun, learn the game, and DEVELOP SOME COORDINATION. If after 12 games, the girls continue hold on to a fielded ball, then they haven't learned the game and they don't deserve a trophy.

My daughter's coach is collecting $7 (inflation) this week for trophies. Even though my daughter couldn't care less about trophy #13, she stated she would feel left out if everybody receives one. I remarked to my spouse that I would rather give my daughter $7 cash.

So, we gave our daughter the choice. Surprise! She chose the cash. Now, she has spending money for a trip and I will have one less trophy to dust!